Hearts(revised)

Keith Ablow, Keith Ablow

So here we are at dealing with Covid-19
So many in the world not able to breathe
Dying alone with only compassionate, overworked, masked people able to be near
That hurts my heart, it hurts our hearts

November, 1990 my father is dying
My mother is crushed at one moment and I want to take my dad’s place, exchange my life for his
But, then, no I can’t
I have my best friend, my love, to live on with and my two young boys to raise
It hurts my heart that I can’t fix the pain for my mom
That hurts my heart

December 2012, My sister is dying
She walked from one room to another in her house
And could not breathe for the effort
She looked at me after she finally was able to take a breath
She said “now I know what you experience with panic attacks”
I don’t want her to know that
It hurts my heart

She said she wasn’t afraid of being on the other side
But she was afraid of the transition
I didn’t know what to say
It hurt my heart

December 2013, my son is dying
His lungs are filling up with tumors
He says he feels like he is trapped in his body
And it feels horrible
I tell him I would give him my health if I could
He says he is afraid of suffocating
I tell him morphine will make him fall asleep before
that happens and that dying is no more difficult than
walking from one room to the other
he relaxes a bit
my heart was hurting

This morning during my run
My lungs gulped in the air free and easy
Every breathe a reminder of those I’ve lost
My heart is full of gratitude and joy

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *